


Game Over

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-23
Updated: 2006-02-23
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:37:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8063884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: The crew of the Enterprise get thrown into a real-life video game. (04/29/2004)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

"Howdy, Howdy, Howdy!" Trip called as he ran down the corridor.

"Uh oh, here comes our dumb blonde," Emmy, the half-alien that looked like a redheaded mix between Meryl Streep and Cher, said.

"I resent that!"

" 'course you do."

"So thats why ya do it?"

"Yup."

"Quiet, you two," Malcolm said.

Emmy pouted. "Spoil sport."

_Ah! Mornings on the Enterprise. They always prove to be entertaining. The Engineer, Amory Officer and the Armory Officer's lady seem to be quite a group. We should keep an eye on them throughout the day. In the meantime, however, there is trouble on the bridge..._

"There sure is." Archer said.

"What?" Asked his Vulcan sub-commander.

"Nevermind. What are the scans showing us?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Oh, sorry, wrong scan. The planet is built entirely out of metal; probably by an intelligent life-form."

"Why only one life-form, why not an entire intelligent species?"

T'Pol shrugged, "It was just a figure of speech."

"Oh. Well, do you think we should go down and investigate?"

"I don't know, should we?"

"That's what I'm asking you!"

"I don't know."

Archer sighed. "Ensign Mayweather, what do you think we should do?"

Mayweather leaned back and stretched. "I think we should forget about the planet, take a break, and all go to the Mess Hall to just sit there and talk until were blue in the face, then come back to the bridge, turn this ship around and go home. But, I know that's not what you want to hear, so, whatever you think appropriate, Sir."

"Why do I always have to do the thinking? I'm tired of having to make all the decisions around here! Can't you people ever think for yourselves?!"

"No." They all said simultaneously. Archer sighed and stormed into his ready room, muttering something about never being appreciated. T'Pol waited till the doors closed before hurrying over to take a seat in the Captain's chair. "Ensign Mayweather?"

"Yes, Ma'aaaam?"

'Take us to the planet."

"Yes, Ma'aaaam."

_Well, it looks like we're in for a bit of an adventure today! While we're heading toward this planet, let's go see what is happening in Sick Bay..._

_Hello, Doctor Phlox!_

"Ah, hello narrator! I'm afraid you caught me in the middle of shaving my tongue."

_Oh, sorry to interrupt._

"No problem. How are you today?"

_Fine, thank-you, and you?_

"Fine. Anything I can get you...a hypospray, perhaps?"

_No, thanks, I'm good._

"Well, I'm afraid there is nothing of interest here, unless you want to watch me clip my toenails."

_No, thank you, though. I think I'll go check on the trio we saw earlier this morning._

"Come back anytime!"

_Thank you, Doctor!_

_Well, that was a nice chat. Back in the Mess Hall, our three friends are still sitting there..._

"Ok, lets see, duck, duck, goose..." Emmy starts out.

"How come ya always name yourself goose? Malcolm, how come ya let her get away with that?"

Malcolm had his chin to his chest, snoring. Trip sighed. "He lets ya get away with everything, don't he?"

"Yup, everything!" Emmy said with a grin. "Now where was I? Oh, yes!"

"Can't we play somethin' else? I'm gettin' bored."

"Shut up! Duck, duck..."

_Well, they seem to be enjoying themselves. Let's go back to the bridge._

"We are now orbiting the planet, Ma'aaaam."

"Thank you, Ensign."

_THWUNK_

"What was that?" Ensign Sato asked.

_THWUNK THWUNK THWUNK THWUNK_

Malcolm stepped out of the turbo lift, "Lift's are acting up, again."

"Why don't you inform Commander Tucker?" T'Pol asked.

"Commander Tucker is sitting in the Mess Hall playing Duck Duck Goose with my girlfriend. If you want to ask him, you're welcome to it! I'm sure not going back there," he looked around. "By the way, where is the Captain?"

"Pouting."

"Ah. So what are we doing?"

"Orbiting a planet. We are going to get together an away team to go down to the planet's surface and check it out. Once the Captain stops pouting, that is."

"I see."

"Hey, Stinky, you wanna be on the away team?"

Malcolm looked up at the sub-commander and grinned, "Sure!"

_Well, things seem to be going smoothly here. Back in the Mess Hall..._

"Duck, Goose, Duck, Goose..."

"I wanna be named goose! Why don't you ever name me goose?!?!" Trip cried in a whiney voice while stomping his feet.

"Shut up! Duck, Goose, Duck, Goose..."

_Still at it. It must be quite an interesting game! Oh, but how is Engineering holding up without their chieftan?_

"Quick! Throw me the ball!"

"Should we really be playing ball around these engines? I've heard they are unstable."

"Nah, we'll be fine."

_Yes, they're holding up just fine. Well, seeing as how there is a lack of activity around here, let's go back to the bridge._

_Why, there is T'Pol, coming out of the Captain's ready room. Been comforting the Captain, T'Pol?_

"That was the logical thing to do."

_Ah! You are a very good Vulcan. Oh, by the way, your uniform is unzipped._

"Thank you." Without so much as a blush, she zipped up her uniform and turned to Malcolm. "Mister Reed, you, the Captain, Emmy, and Trip will be attending the away mission."

"Okey dokey."

She headed back to her station, "Ensign Sato, why is my console wet?"

"Because I licked it."

"I see."

_One of the delightful advantages of being the narrator is I get to control time. And I do believe I will take advantage of that privilege right now. So lets skip ahead for a bit, shall we?_

Sitting in the shuttle pod on their way to the planet, they see a signpost up ahead.

"What does it say?" Archer asked.

"I dunno, I'm nearsighted," answered the Lieutenant. Trip Tucker leaned forward and squinted.

"It looks like it says 'You Are Now Entering the Twilight Zone.'"

"Well at least we know where we are," Archer said.

"Careful, its gonna be a bumpy ride," Malcolm said as they descended through the turbulent atmosphere.

Suddenly Trip let out a long scream.

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!HOWDY, HOWDY HOWDY!!! RIDE 'EM COWBOY!!!"

Apparently this was normal behavior as he received nothing but a sideways glance.

The landing proved to be uneventful, however, they succeeded to land in the middle of a swamp. Archer was the first to step out of the shuttlepod, coming face to face with a neon green sign that read: 'Welcome to This Planet! This Planet is a game, so just sit back, relax and enjoy!'

"Well, apparently this planet is called This Planet."

Malcolm looked at the Captain, "Gee, ya think?"

"Hey, look over there!" Said Emmy. "Aren't those lights I see through the trees?"

"Oh yeah, lets check it out," said the Captain.

They walked out of the swamp to find a brightly-lit nightclub, in the middle of nowhere. They could hear techno music coming from inside. They decided to go ahead and go inside. Once in, they looked around to see girls dancing in cages and real mermaids swimming around in extra, extra large aquariums.

"Ooooh!" Emmy cried "This is like Club Sugar down in Santa Monica. I used to go there all the time! Hey, I'll go find us some DreamMaker."

"Some what?" Trip asked.

"DreamMaker. It's like a mix of Ecstasy, alcohol, and Viagra," she gave Malcolm a wink and patted him on his behind as she walked off.

The last thing Archer remembered was Emmy saying something about getting a drug. All he new was he was currently lying on the dance floor, with his head hurting. His side had a shoe-shaped dent in it and his hand was a bit crushed.

_Have a nice nap, Captain?_

"Oh, shut up you stupid narrator."

_Ha ha. Say, Captain, what happened to the rest of your crew while you were asleep?_

"Oh, you mean the three trouble makers?" Archer sat up and looked around. After he stood up he noticed Trip trying to hold a conversation with the mechanical bull. Apparently Emmy had succeeded in getting him doped up on that drug, as he looked half asleep, and kept falling off at the slightest move. However, he still kept getting up and slumping back over the machine.

He looked around for Malcolm and Emmy. That's when he saw them in the corner, with Emmy sitting on Malcolm's lap, making out. Apparently that drug worked good. Archer sighed. This was going to be fun, trying to break them away from this seedy joint.

Emmy hung out in places like this when she was younger? She just didn't strike him as the type.

Archer turned back to where Trip had been talking to the mechanical bull. But he wasn't there. He had finally given up on it.

Archer looked around (again!) and finally saw him over by the aquariums, making kissy faces at the mermaids. Archer sighed. (Again!).

_Need help, Captain?_

"I thought I told you to shut up you stupid narrator."

_Ha! You can't shut me up, I'm the narrator!_

"Shut up."

_Okay._

Archer walked over to Trip and grabbed him by his collar, dragging him away from his mermaids, walking over to Malcolm and Emmy (this is the part he was really dreading). He left Trip standing there by his side, still making kissy faces at the mermaids from halfway across the room.

Archer tried clearing his throat.

No response from Emmy and Malcolm.

Archer tried calling their names.

No response from Emmy and Malcolm.

Finally Archer just grabbed Emmy by her bra strap (seeing as how she wasn't wearing anything else but her skirt) and dragged her over towards Trip, with Malcolm in tow. The two seemed completely oblivious to what was going on. Archer grabbed Trip and headed for the exit, stepping out into...

A Desert? With an Egyptian pyramid?

_Well, we hope you enjoyed tonight's episode! Come back next time, folks, when our four friends..._

"We are not friends!" Archer cried.

_When our four friends meet...the all-powerful ancient Egyptian sun god, Ra! (and his wife, Emmy's dead Aunt Alexandria)._


End file.
